German philosopher Nietzsche once wrote:
It is not a lack of love, but a lack of friendship that makes unhappy marriages.
I believe him and so did my mum who once said to me “Marry a friend. Love comes and goes, but friendship will always stay”. My husband and I have that in our marriage (apart from love of course). We can laugh like a couple of idiots at the smallest things. We like each others company, believe it or not, give us a choice to hang out with our friends or each other, we’d choose the latter.
A month or so ago, I went out to watch a movie with mum friends from T’s school, I went home and said to him “You know what, I actually missed you!” Yes, it did come as a surprise because I wasn’t expecting to miss him. I thought I’d welcome the change of going out without the husband. And he is the same, he doesn’t like going out without me either. Yes, I know. We are such a boring couple. But we kinda like it that way.
However like any relationship, ours isn’t perfect. We all have irritating habits that may drive the other up the wall. When I told him I was going to write this post, he was on the defensive side and said that apparently nothing I do really irritates him. But as always I brushed him off and said “I’m still going to write it anyway”. I know for one, it does “mildly” annoy him when I do the following:
1. Interrupts his reading:
I honestly don’t intentionally do this. It’s not as if I wait till he is reading and then interrupt him for a little chat. I’m not that mean. But yes, many times, when he is sitting or lying peacefully in bed, reading his book, I plop down beside him and start a conversation and I usually start with the most inane subject like “Oh you’ll never guess what I read in so and so’s blog” Yes, my husband knows the names of the blogs I regularly read because I tell him about them, not that what they write about is silly or anything like that.
Sometimes, I’ll hear him sigh and he’ll put his book down in defeat and answer my questions, or have a little chat with me. Other times, he’d say “I’ve been reading this paragraph five times since you came in the room”. I’d apologise, stop talking and then after a while begin chatting again as if he hasn’t said anything.
2. Makes him watch my choices of films
No, they’re not chick flicks or romcoms, although I do like watching them too. I like quiet films, or films with a really good witty script, movies that makes you think. We recently watched Clouds of Sils Maria (starring Juliette Binoche, one of my favourite actresses), admittedly it was one of those films where nothing much happens, you have to listen to the dialogue to enjoy it. Let’s just say the husband wasn’t so pleased when it suddenly ended. He looked at me as if to say “That’s it?!”
Then again, he does the same to me. He’s been interested in Japanese films lately and we’d sit together and watch it. Some of his choices were really good and some were really bad. He’d turn to me and say “Oh I’m sorry about that” and then we’d end up laughing.
3. When out shopping, I suddenly wander off.
I’m sure I’m not the only one who does this to their husbands/wives or partners. When I see something, or suddenly remember something, I’m off to look for it, without telling him or informing him where I’m going. Many times he’ll be in mid-conversation expecting an answer from me and he’ll turn around and I’ll be gone. Surely I’m not the only one who does this?
There’s probably more, but of course in spite the maddening habits, quirks or whatever you want to call them, we accept them. After all, in the famous words of Mark Darcy of the famed Bridget Jones’s Diary “Perhaps despite appearances, I like you very much, just as you are”.
Do you have any annoying habits or quirks that drive your husband, wife, or partner off the wall?