A lot of times I catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror and I don’t recognise myself anymore. The woman has some slight resemblance to me. She has streaks of white hair prominent against her black hair. She looks way shorter than I am and rounder too. Oh my goodness it’s me!
I’m in my 40s. Next week I’ll be another year older. Most days I feel like I’m in my 50s, other times, in my 60s, or worse, 70s. Lately I’ve been feeling a lot of pains in my body. My back, my joints and my arms. Over the months, I’ve been to the see the doctor wondering if I have arthritis and maybe something else too. She asked for a blood test, but it came out normal. While I am glad that all is good, I’m still left with the question “So what’s ailing me then?” Our GP also finds this baffling, she doesn’t seem to know what’s wrong with me either.
Of course I don’t really know what it feels like to be 50, 60 or 70. I’m just taking a wild guess and some people who are of this age, might even feel insulted “I certainly don’t feel that way!” Yes, I know, it’s probably just me then.
I’m an older mum. I did the whole career move first, not intentionally though. I was never the career-minded driven type of person. I just felt happy and lucky that I was doing a job I really loved. It didn’t feel like work at all. I had a few relationships, yes. But not serious ones, and looking back, I’m glad I didn’t end up with any of them. Not that there was anything wrong with them, they just weren’t the right person for me. And I’m just glad I am where I am right now, with the someone I truly love, with little T, and smelly Doc, even though I’m older than most mums in little T’s school, I’m fine with that too.
Last Wednesday during the afternoon school run, I fell heavily on my right knee, trying to usher two excitable little girls to safety while a car patiently waited for us to move. I’m glad though that I wasn’t alone and was with a mum friend. She took us all home in her car. Being a nurse, she warned me to put my knee up and put a cold compress against it. But I ignored her. I didn’t wilfully do it though, my daughter had a play-date that day and I had to get snacks ready and attend to all their demands. Before I knew it, it was time to go to my daughter’s swimming lessons. When you’re a mum, you just plod on, don’t you? There’s no time to whinge and complain, how on earth will we manage that? The next morning, I woke up with a very bad looking bruise and painful knee. And since I was going up and down the stairs heaving myself up and using my right arm to do this, it was also aching.
Six days on and it still hurts (but not as bad as before) and I’m still limping. Little T has also been poorly since Saturday and has been off school. She was better yesterday though, my husband had to do the school runs on his own. Poor guy. I don’t really know what’s wrong with me, but I’ll worry about that some other time, I’m too busy packing.
Do you sometimes feel too old for your age too?