I met my husband when I was 34, got married at 37, got pregnant and gave birth at 38, next year I’ll be 40. Yes, my husband and I are both “older” parents compared to many first-time parents out there (although my husband does have a son with his first marriage, but that’s another story and honestly, not mine to tell).
My mother gave birth to me and my older brother at a young age. Then again, she came from another generation and did everything early, graduated from University, got pregnant, got married and got her first job by age 21.
I’ve always wanted to be a mother at a young age too. I’m very close to my mom. She, my brother and I are sometimes more like close friends than mother-daughter/son, I guess it has a lot to do with the age-gap. I remember having a lot of fun with my parents. They used to take us to the park a lot and we would play football with their young friends and have picnics at the part, camp on the beach and allow us to have late-nights even if we had school the next day. They were young and not strict. I remember staying up late and going to a”Folk House” to hear one of my parents’ friends sing and play the guitar. It was all fun. I remember thinking when I’m a mother, this is the way I want it to be F-U-N.
Today, at 39 I am a first-time mother to a 22-month-old-daughter. I wouldn’t know if she thinks of me as “fun”, although I do play with her, dance with her no matter what I’m doing even if it’s just moving my hips moving while washing the dishes, play with her train-sets and play “hide seek” with her. I don’t think I’ll take her to any Folk House to listen to music though, because where we live there aren’t any “Folk Houses” and I’m not even sure if they still exist today. Though admittedly, by the end of the day, I am always utterly exhausted even if we only spent the whole day playing inside our small cottage by the sea. I do sometimes wonder if it’s my age. If I were a 19-year-old, 29-year-old mother instead of a 39-year-old, would I still have the energy to do the groovy moves enthusiastically at the end of the day? Would I have more patience to answer the same questions the nth time without sighing or even gritting my teeth?
A woman I know said to me that she made sure that she had all her kids before she turned 30 (she’s in her late 40s now), so she could be done with mothering early. But you’re never done with “mothering”, even if your child is 40. At my age my mother still mothers me over the oceans that separate us. When I’m with her I sometimes feel like a kid again and she takes care of me and I love that feeling. I know when I’m her age, I’ll still be mothering my daughter no matter how old she is.
Have I lost my train of thought? Yes, I have. I don’t really know the answer. All I know is that I don’t regret having my daughter at a late age. I wouldn’t have it any other way. I’m thankful I have her and sometimes I do wish to have another, but I’ve accepted that maybe it’s just her and I’m okay with that too. As for the right age, who knows?