Being T’s Mum


“It’s T’s mum!”  A group of kids chorused even before I saw them.  I had my headphones on and have just stepped out of the gate that led into the headland, that’s why I didn’t see them first.

They were a group of children from little T’s small primary school down in the village from our house. “Hi T’s mum!” I heard one of them say and the others all smiled and waved to me as they passed, obviously headed for the football field, probably an after school P.E. activity.  I smiled and waved back to them too.  The sweet thing about this whole scenario is that they were all older kids, not kids from T’s class whom I’m familiar with, down to their names.  These were older kids, probably between 8-10 years old.  But they all knew who I was, or rather they all knew that I was T’s mum.

I walked away with a big smile on my face and a warmed heart.  These kids are lovely, I thought and then wondered, have I lost my identity?  I no longer have a name, I’m just seen as T’s mum. Walking back to the house, I was checking my feelings.

Was I upset?  No.

Was I bothered?  A bit.

And here’s another incident, I overheard my husband phoning a builder to get quotes for the renovation to be done in our home.  Not so sure what this builder’s relation is to O, a little girl in T’s class.  We just know they’re related.  Anyway, this is how my husband introduced himself:

Hi J.  This is S, T’s Dad.  Yes, from O’s class.

I asked him about it, and he chuckled and said “Yes, that’s me.  I’m happy to be known as T’s Dad’.

But then I thought, outside the village, in his work with the OU and Oxford, he is still known to his students as Dr. S.  He still has an identity.  Whereas I’m just known as T’s mum, and to my husband’s students who often phone him at home, I’m known as Dr. S’s wife.


If you’ve read my about me section on this blog.  You’ll notice that I still refer to myself as a freelance writer.  The truth is, I hardly get any paid work or writing contracts anymore.  My last proper contract ended in 2013.  To be fair though that lasted for about eight years.  I do occasionally get paid for blog-posts, but does that mean I’m still a writer?  I don’t really know. When filling up forms and I come across the item “Occupation”, I always stop and have a think. My husband always nudges me to write “freelance writer”.  I feel like a fake sometimes.  But it doesn’t really bother me anymore.  One thing is certain though, I am proud to be known as little T’s mum.  At the moment, I’m fine with that.

What about you?

Do you occasionally feel like an echo of your former self?

Filed under Little Musings

I'm a part-time writer, full-time mother and dog-walker living in a small English village by the sea with my husband, daughter and a dog named Doc.


  1. I’m just known as Mummy most of the time now even Stuart calls me it around Blake and I do feel that I’m no longer Joanna or Jo anymore.

    • I do miss work A LOT! Going into the office, having that routine… At the moment though, I also enjoy just being T’s mum. Such a conundrum 😉

  2. I can relate to this! Although I love being ‘mum’, I do find that there is something about having another facet to your life – something that gives you some sense of identity alongside Mummy. I do miss the socialisation aspect of work (I work from home these days, 2 days a week, which can be pretty isolating!), and for me I find it’s important to keep up my interests (gardening, singing) which form a big part of my identity.

    • Same here. I even miss the dreaded commute and madness of the morning rush. Like I said though, at the moment, I’m fine with being T’s mum. I did the whole career path bit before getting married and having T. I’m an older mum, at least compared to most mums at the school gate 😉 I’m fine with that too. x

  3. I have so been there! And, seriously, enjoy it. Love it. Embrace it. Because I remember the moment when I stopped just being “Mr. T’s mom”, I don’t have the date in my head, but I have the feeling stored in my heart, and it is a moment that you’ll be storing in your heart, too, in a future that is closer than you think! Relish in being “T’s mum” and know you are doing great at that job!

  4. This probably sounds really strange, that I enjoy being such a part of someone else’s life, that people know me because of it. I’m not a parent yet, so I don’t think I can really justify My point. However a part of me believes I’ll still be just as happy, and probably very proud to be known as someone’s mummy 🙂 xxx

  5. Yes I think being a blogger definitely constitutes as a writer especially the level of detail, expertise and content that you offer in your posts. Sometimes I feel like an echo of my former self and it is like looking at another person.

    • If I didn’t have T I’d probably be known as that mad woman with dogs. Only have one dog, but if I didn’t have a child I’d have more.

  6. Really interesting post, I think it takes such a long time to adjust to an almost new identity after having children. I think the pure physical demands of being a mum make it difficult to pursue our own interests and ambitions but then it also can change things in a lovely way. I started my candlemaking business when my kids were teens and I definitely think that being a mum gave me a confidence I perhaps wouldn’t have had before. Also society does tend to diminish and undermine the role of being a mum!

    • That is so true. I’m actually fine with this new(ish) identity of mine, especially since I got married and had T later than most mums in her school. I had a good career, although I’m probably too young to retire in my 40s, who knows, like you I might start a business of my own too. x

  7. Im trying that impossible juggling act of corporate career girl and mother so for me I still have that identity even if its a bit unpolished now! Although I am still struggling as Im not sure where my identity is going at the moment. I think being a blogger definitely constitutes as a freelance writer xx

    • Wow, hats off to you and all the working mums out there! I am in awe of you lovely women.

  8. ha ha I am known by the child’s name mum too but I have 6 kids and the 3 eldest kids friends all call me Emma as they have known me years but the younger 3 call me as yours do I think its sweet

    • Some of T’s closest friends call me Dean too. But I agree with you, I do find it sweet:) x

  9. Michelle Murray

    I love being ‘mum’ and although its used by the kids and hubby I like it. My name doesnt get used very much anyway

  10. I think I have many hats, but I’m very happy to be known as H’s mum within the school environment. Beyond that though I’d think I’d yearn for something more.

  11. It is a hard balance isn’t it? Such huge pride at being the mum of your gorgeous child but a feeling of loss of self. I think it’s a passage we all go through, I’m still mostly Hannah because Toby’s so young and doesn’t have friends yet, but I already feel a loss of identity sometimes when my brain just refuses to function because I’m exhausted!xx

    • I know exactly what you mean. I guess what’s important right now is enjoying this phase of our lives, especially since our kids grow up way too fast. Before we know it, they’ll be flying the nest!

  12. Ah this is such a lovely post! I think we all have grass as greener moments, I read this and wish I didn’t work so I could devote more time to being at home but if that happened if probably miss work- we can never win!!

    • You are so right about that. When I was working, I used to long to just quit my job and disappear. Now that I’m a stay at home mum, I miss the chaos of the morning rush and the madness of the commute to work.

  13. An echo of my former self? I observed the other day that I used to sing or whistle tunes by bands that I liked. Now, if I’m humming a tune, it’s more than likely a theme song from a CBeebies programme!

    • Thank goodness we’re over Cbeebies now. For us it’s humming that annoying Alvin and the Chipmunk song or the theme from My Little Pony … and friends.

  14. Hmm, an echo of my former self? Yes, possibly. But I have been a mum for 16 years now so perhaps I no longer remember who my ‘former’ self was!
    Perhaps in thinking about it, I miss her a bit.
    But then, she was a bit of an idiot really, so the new me is probably a much better one. Much more organised, and much less selfish.
    I have 4 children now and in all honesty being a mum within a large family is ALL consuming … so Its hard to know where the ‘Mum’ stops and the ‘me’ starts! I’m okay with that though as being a Mum is no less living life than being a ‘writer’ lets say. Its all important stuff.
    Great post and very thought provoking.
    Anna x

    • I kinda like the person I’ve become too since becoming a mother. But there’s also that big part of me that wants to be known more than just a mother – I’m working on that. Thanks Anna 🙂 x

  15. I’m happier being know as he boys mum than referred to as my husbands wife. I think it’s really nice the kids recognised you and were so polite, sounds like its a nice little school.

    • It is a lovely school and everyone there, from the students to the teachers are lovely. We feel so lucky that our daughter goes to a small village school 🙂 x

  16. All I’ve ever wanted to be, for years, was a Mum. So being known as O’s Mum or Q’s Mum is fine by me. In fact, it’s pretty much perfect. Especially when it’s by their school friends. We live in a small village and O attends the village school, where they all know each others names. x
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    • Same here, although admittedly, sometimes I feel like I’m losing my own identity.

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