It is autumn. All around me is grey. There are days like today, when I wake up and look out to grey skies – depressing really and I have to stop myself from falling into that dark, dark hole. To allow myself to be sucked in is sheer utter selfishness. I am a mother.
So I try to ignore the grey and focus on the colour red – fiery red, the red embers exuding warmth … passionate red, yes, that one.
I tread the hollowness of early winter, or is it still autumn? Whatever happened to the golden colours of autumn that I love? Has it been swallowed by the greyness that surrounds me? I walk with my daughter and she is happily walking beside me. My husband is there too of course and is aware of the heaviness in my heart. He pushes me forward and holds my hand.
I remind myself that I am a mother and must see the world through my daughter’s bewildering excitable eyes. ‘I’m happy Mommy” she tells me as she swings and I swing too, as high as I can and she laughs harder, so I swing harder and she is laughing. Oh to be a child again.
And as winter comes and the days get colder and greyer, I shall remind myself to always see the colour red… and remind myself how lucky I am – I have a beautiful daughter.